This Week at the Church of the Redeemer

Wednesday, June 20th
7:00 am Men's Bible Study at the Rectory

9:30 am Christmas Market Auction Committee

Thursday, June 21st

First Day of Summer

9:00 am Women's Bible Study at the Rectory

Sunday, June 24th
9:00 am Holy Eucharist (Nave)
9:00 am NO Church School/Childcare Provided
10:00 am Lemonade

10:15 am Caring for the Generations

Please scroll down for more announcements.

Please see our website for more about upcoming events.

Summer Worship Schedule

 June 10 – September 2

 9:00 am Worship Service

SUMMER LEMONADE 

We are looking for volunteers who can help with summer coffee hours of lemonade and cookies after the 9:00 am Sunday services.  Lovey is there to help organize, so the task is simple. If you will be here, please sign up on the sheet outside the Rector’s office or contact Jane Metcalf.  Your help is much appreciated and gives a welcoming touch to these summer coffee hours.

 We wish all of you a wonderful summer and look forward to picking up again in the fall.

 VOLUNTEERS NEEDED

to help with the

 St. Stephen's B-SAFE Summer Program

JULY 16-20th

  The B-SAFE Program will serve 350 children and youth this summer. Partner churches are critical for making the program a success. We need YOUR help this summer! We will be partnering with the Hurley School – an elementary school program for 120 children.

 We need help with:

     1)     LUNCHTIME HELP: serve food and read to children after lunch from 11:30-1:30 Monday – Thursday.

2)     PROVIDE A LUNCH SUPPLEMENT (they use the school lunch program, but would like a healthy, preferably homemade supplement (applesauce, cookies, fresh fruit).  Monday – Thursday.

3)     Accompany the children on a Friday field trip.

 You can participate for as little as 2 hours for one lunch or drop off a meal supplement at the church or come down a few days and really get involved!

 Please contact Christina Wood Baker if you can help: 617-795-0917 or c.wood.baker@comcast.net.  

CARING FOR THE GENERATIONS

Sunday, June 24th at 10:15 am

Please join us to discuss feedback from our April 22nd meeting and provide input for future action.

Summary of Participants’ Comments from April 22nd meeting

Responses to Question 1:

What might an elderly loved one want and need?

1.  Dignity / Independence

 "What is best for my elderly parents in order to be safe, and have the best quality of life possible, differs from what they are actually doing.  Basic needs must be met:  eating healthy meals, taking medications properly, getting exercise for physical health, getting out and about for mental well being."

 "His mother still drove her car well into her 90’s.  What his parents really looked forward to was social interaction, or company.  His mother had a companion that came to the house.  She enjoyed her companions and looked forward to their coming.  His father went to day care.  He got picked up and dropped off by a bus.  He enjoyed the bus ride and liked the people who took care of him at the day care center.  His parents’ meals were taken care of by others.  Communion was even brought to the house."

 "Maintaining independence and self-sufficiency as a sole survivor.  Our Dad survived Mom by 4 years after 54 years of marriage.  The adjustment was a hard for him."

2.  Community / Emotional Support

 "Some incidents recently bothered and worried her.  For example, she bought two tickets for herself on one flight because she had  forgotten that she had already bought the first one.  Another time she left the tap water running when she left the room.  These two incidents alarmed her. And because of what she perceived to be her failing memory, she turned over her financial affairs to one of her sons.  What is important here is that the impact this had on her has been huge.  She seems sad.  And she is more grateful than ever for the calls she receives from her children."

 "He is in a superb nursing home in Florida, but only gets out 3 times per week with company.  Loneliness is a big problem."

           "She has no friends around because she moved later in life.  She has no real interests.  She is not involved in the community and

           has nothing to do.  Again, “community” came up as something to keep us interested and involved as we age."

 "I have an 80 year old friend who has always been full of energy and enthusiasm.  However, a recent auto accident has left her in great

pain and she neither sees her friends or appears to be caring for herself properly.  She has to move in a month and it is not clear that she

can afford her next home.  How can we help?"

 3.  Enough Money, Good Medical Care and Appropriate Housing

 "Within a year he had sold their home and moved into an elderly housing complex.  Over the next three years Dad moved to three

other housing complexes.  The last place finally had conditions he liked."

 "Mother was widowed at 65, and after two years on her own, she moved near a son and spent the next nine years spending time with   different members of her family.  She finally went to a housing complex where she could be independent again and keep an independent identity."

 "While our parents had many friends when they had a house, Dad was shy and slow to make friends at housing complexes.  Dad ultimately had a severe stroke and spent the last three months of his life in hospitals and rehabilitation facilities."

 "Many of the community living places she couldn’t afford.  So, she is doing her homework to manage as best she can and figure out which city services she will be able to use in the future.  Luckily, this isn’t something she needs now, but at some point she will."

 4.  A Good Death

 "In the last months of my father’s life, my brother and I would alternate weekends with him, and sometimes overlapped, until he

died.   This was precious time together that brought my brother and me closer in the years afterward."

 Responses to Question 2:

What might each of us want and need to grow older with dignity?

 1.  Enough Support / Familiar Surroundings and Faces

 "Her kids all have spouses, and they are all over the country, with exception of one daughter who is closer.  She does not want to be a burden on anyone.  But at the same time, it would be nice to have them close by.  It is comforting to think that children are close enough to help out and assist with decisions."

 "She has found the most important factor to be continuity of relationships:  Redeemer, children and family.  Perpetuation of family ties, both her's and her husband’s, has been important.  Even her grandchildren say that grandparents are very important.  So, what she thinks is most important is ongoing connectedness."

 2.  A Good Plan with Family Support

 "She wants to be prepared, have a plan, and not be in denial about aging (easier said than done).  She wants to maintain a connection with loved ones, family, and community.  She doesn’t want to be a burden (which perhaps being prepared will alleviate).  She wants to be treated with dignity and respect.  One of the benefits of having parents nearby is so that her kids can learn by example how it is that she would like to be treated when she is her parents' age: respectful, unobtrusively helpful."

 "To relieve a son from his responsibility, this person understands that she has more and more limitations, and has taken on the task of making sure all her documents, health care wishes, funeral arrangements, etc. are done before she is too far along to make these  decisions."

 "Most people do not know what resources are available to them for help.  Services vary by community and by organizations."

 3.  Protection Against the Consequences of Cognitive Decline

 "The calls from charlatans, the unchecked bank account withdrawals, utilities charging for additional items, predatory charities, etc. What happens when your assets are exposed to this, unchecked by a competent person who has your best interest in mind?"

 4.  An Ongoing Sense that Life is Meaningful

           "Illness left her hopeless for a year, but then the attention of her children and grandchildren gave her a new focal point for happiness.  In

 the next three years, Mother found excitement in her family’s daily lives.  During this period she wrote a book of her memories to leave

 for her family, which is a great treasure to pass on."

 "I may contact the local historical society where he lives to see about having someone spend time with him recording an oral history of

 his memories and life." 

 "His mother has had a very interesting and impressive life.  He would like her to hand down her history, her story, through the

 generations."

Caregivers’ Issues:  Role Reversal:

1.  Support for the Tough Decisions, Particularly End of Life Decisions

 "How to make the tough decisions even with clear instructions from loved one.  Important to work with family members and come to

consensus."

 2.  Feelings of Guilt / Helplessness / Time and Travel Burdens

 "It is difficult to see ones loved ones, parents in particular, age.  How do we deal with it in a way that addresses their needs and solves the various issues, while maintaining their dignity and their pride?"

           "Her current husband (second) was a lawyer.  He is a very controlling person.  Now that she has less control, he is pushing her children

          away and has alienated most of her friends.  She is unhappy with the situation, which is progressively more dysfunctional as they age.

          She is distressed because of the growing distance between herself and all other people.  What would help??"

           "As caregivers, we are often at a loss as to how to proceed.  We do not feel qualified and worry that we will do the wrong thing."

 Action Items in Order to Age With Dignity:

 1.  Make sure forms are filled out.