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“One Flesh"

Preached by The Rev. Steven S. Bonsey
October 5, 2003

Texts:  Genesis 2:18-24, Mark 10:2-9

From the marriage service in the Book of Common Prayer:  “Union of husband and wife in heart, mind and body is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord.”  [BC P, p.423] 

“The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation…” so we hear in the reading from Genesis as the woman and man are made “one flesh.”  When husband and wife are joined they enter into a union that is more than the sum of its parts.  A new life comes into being, the life of the “one flesh” that is their union, and both partake of this new life.  The “one flesh” is a new creation. 

God established the bond of marriage for the perpetuation of the human race and the safeguarding of society, but the new creation of the “one flesh” is also a part of God’s work of salvation.  From the Garden of Eden to the heavenly city of Jerusalem, the great work of God is to “restore all people to unity with God and each other in Christ.”  Holy matrimony is one means by which we experience God’s work of bringing us into unity with one another.  And the graces that we know in marriage – mercy and loving kindness, the sharing of joys and sorrows, the giving and receiving of comfort and strength, covenant fidelity, forgiveness and being forgiven – these are properly understood as God’s own grace entering our lives as part of God’s cosmic work of salvation.  God’s grace abounds for all people, whether married or single, but for many of us – certainly for me – marriage is the arena of life in which we most experience God’s grace, day by day. 

Marriage appears as a metaphor in the New Testament for God’s cosmic work of salvation.  The letter to the Ephesians describes the transformation of humanity in the fellowship of the church:  Those who were far off – that is, the Gentiles – and those who were near – that is, the people of Israel – are united in one body and reconciled in Christ as a “new humanity.”  (Ephes. 2:11-21) 

We can hear Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce in a new way if we hear it within this larger frame of God’s saving work.  In our reading from Mark, the Pharisees once again are trying to trip Jesus up on a controversial point of law.  “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  Jesus turns the question back on them:  “What did Moses command you?”  They answer correctly that the law of Moses allows a man to divorce his wife by writing out a certificate.  Jesus responds harshly:  What the law meant as a concession, an allowance for human sin and brokenness, has become a privilege to be abused.   A husband may put away a wife a wife he no longer wishes to care for, without thought of her welfare, and claim to be righteous, living within the law.   This is legalism: the law that God intends as a means of grace and mercy is perverted by human religion into a means of oppression and division.

Lest we think that legalism is a phenomenon of Judaism only, consider what the Christian church has done with Jesus’ words:  “What God has joined together, let no one put asunder.”  On the authority of these words the church for centuries had forbidden divorce.  Husbands and wives were compelled to remain bound to abusive spouses; couples dragged along with them marriages that were long dead; those who divorced and remarried were separated from the sacraments.  The words of Jesus, commending the gracious union of marriage, were perverted by legalism into instruments of oppression in human relationships and separation from the means of grace in the sacraments.  

Thanks be to God, the Episcopal Church in my lifetime has looked again at this and has liberalized its pastoral practices around divorce and remarriage.  The church now recognizes that divorce, while always tragic, is sometimes a necessity, and that people remarried after divorce are as much in need as any of the graces of forgiveness and new life available in the bread and wine made holy. 

Today our church faces another question:  Will the gates to blessing of covenant union be opened to couples of the same sex? 

There are a host of reasons why they should not.  The first is the witness of scripture.  There are only a handful of verses in scripture that speak of homosexuality, but they are unanimously negative.  Careful scholarship can open up some wiggle room on interpretation, but plain sense is clear:  the witness of scripture is against it. 

So, too, is the witness of tradition.  For centuries the western church has consistently taught that the place for place for human sexual relations is within the bonds of marriage between one man and one woman; the blessing of non-celibate same sex unions was unthinkable. 

Arguments have been made on the basis of science.  Some studies have pointed to evidence that sexual orientation may be genetically based, that is, that in some sense it is “given by God.”  But the scientific grounding is uncertain, and in any event, common sense suggests that human sexual behavior is far too complex to be determined by a single cause; surely life experience and free-will also play their roles.  

What is more, sexual identity is not a toggle switch with two positions, gay or straight.  A whole spectrum of sexual identities can be described; the church has barely begun to grapple with bisexuality and transsexuality.  Furthermore, while some gay Christians have accepted and given thanks for their sexuality, others have experienced their homosexual feelings as a disease or a disorder; many have even sought – and some have received – “healing” from their disorder through ministries of the church. 

With the witness of scripture and tradition solidly against it, and the witness of human reason and experience so divided and uncertain, what reason can there be for opening the gates to the blessing of same sex unions and the full inclusion of non-celibate gay and lesbian persons in the church?  Why do people in the church – people like me – advocate for this controversial innovation in the face of threats of schism in the Episcopal Church, expressions of scandal in the global Anglican Communion, and the genuine grief and distress of many good people in the church here at home?  There can only be one reason:  After years of conversation and controversy, prayer and study, personal experience and reflection, we are convinced the Holy Spirit is calling the church to do a new thing. 

I can best explain this for myself, not by making an argument, but by telling a story.  And it is not my story.  This story belongs to my brother in law, Jim.  Jim is an Episcopal priest serving a parish in a small town in Louisiana and a summer chapel in the mountains of North Carolina.  Jim was scheduled to preach on the Sunday after our General Convention confirmed the election of the first openly gay Anglican bishop and passed a resolution acknowledging the blessing of same sex unions.  Homosexuality would normally have been his last choice for a summer sermon, but he faced it head-on. 

He told the story of his daughter – I’ll call her Katie.  Like many folks, Katie had not had an easy time in adolescence or young adulthood.  There had been times when she was separated or out of communication with her family.  At one point she asked her father:  “If I were to come out as a lesbian, would there still be a place for me in this family?”  And Jim said, “Katie, you’re my daughter, I love you.  There will always be a place for you at our table.  And there’s the front door, where it’s always been.  You’ll come and go by that door.”  

“But Daddy, why would I ever do that?” 

Why, indeed.  It may seem to many of us that the so-called gay lifestyle is more and more acceptable socially.  Its depiction in the media has become routine.  Some of us may even feel that it is increasingly “flaunted.”  As a college chaplain, however, I know how difficult the decision to come out can be.  Young people face ostracism by their friends, the disappointment or even rejection of parents and family; possible discrimination in the workplace (not to mention the church); and misunderstanding at best, violent hostility at worst on the part of strangers.  (It was just a few years ago that our fellow Episcopalian, Matthew Shepherd, was tied by two men to a fence post, beaten, tortured and left to die for the offense of being – excuse the expression – a fag.)  “Why would I ever do that?” 

Jim said something more in his sermon.  “If I get to the gates of heaven,” he said, “and I find out that Katie is barred from entering because she’s a lesbian – I will take my place outside the gates with her.”  My brothers and sisters, I pray that I would have the courage to take my place with Jim and Katie. 

And Jim said one thing more.  “Jesus will be there, too, outside the gates, doing what he always has done:  lifting up those who are cast down and binding up the brokenhearted.” 

Here in the Episcopal Church, we are opening wide the gates.  I’m proud to be an Episcopalian.  God save our church. 

Rev. Steven Bonsey